OntarioProvincialPigs

OntarioProvincialPigs

Have you ever read a plea in the newspaper that read,

"any witnesses to the accident at such-and-such location on such-and-such a date...please call me, I need help"?

Have you ever wondered what happens to these poor accident victims when no witnesses are to be found?

The Ontario Provincial Police fuck them up the ass, that's what happens to them.

For you see, without a witness, the lazy Pigs don't know what to do.  It's not like they can think for themselves or actually feel like doing their job.  They are helpless.

OK...let's run a senario for you all.  And beware, learn a lesson here...you may find yourself in this situation one day!

You are driving on the highway and someone in another vehicle clips you.  Yes, the other driver hits YOU.  It's minor, but nonetheless, this other person has hit YOU.  So you think you're going to do the smart thing now by flashing your lights and signalling for that person to pull over.  First mistake.

Next, you think you're really smart, and you'll call 911 on your cell phone.  Mistake number two.

Then you're told that the Piggies are on their way to rescue you from the bad driver and you'll be saved and your insurance company will love you and the bad driver will be punished.  Third mistake.

Why have you made three mistakes up till now?  It's really just one big huge elephant turd of a mistake.  It's that you've made the assumption that the Piggies will do their job.  WRONG!!!

For you see, while you were calling 911 on the phone, so was the asshole that clipped you.  While you were telling the operator how some prick clipped you, he (or she) was telling another operator how YOU clipped HIM (or her)!  NO SHIT folks, believe it or be fucked!

So this is where the shit truly hits the fan and the piggies show you how truly useless they are.  First, they show up.  Whoo Hoo...they're here to save the day.  Wrong!  Because you see, there are NO GOD DAMN WITNESSES!!!!!!!

So now the Piggies have to use their brains to figure out what really happened, and what to do about it.  Well, figure it out folks, that if you tell them you were hit, and he/she tells them he/she was hit, the Pig has to use his/her brain.  You're just asking too much from a Pig.  Oh, and if you had a passenger or two or more in your vehicle and you think this will give you a "witness", think again.  They don't give a fucking shit about any passengers.  Policy is to interview the drivers of each vehicle only.  You could have the Pope in your car and the Piggies don't give a shit. 

So what now?  The Piggie's brain is going to hurt now so the Pig (or Sow) tell's each of you, "here's how it's going to be"....

You and the asshole that clipped you have choices.  Choice number one....You can both just go home. 

Choice number two...You can BOTH be charged (with careless driving, improper lane change, dangerous driving, whatever Piggie thinks appropriate) and let you plead your case in court to a judge.

If you pick choice number two, the judge may decide the asshole is guilty and you can have a party.  BUT, the judge might find YOU guilty in which case an innocent person (you) has been fucked (twice...once your vehicle was damaged and now you've been wrongly charged with a crime).  OR...the judge might be having a hard day and find you BOTH guilty of poor driving and again YOU ARE FUCKED!! 

Now, can you imagine a Pig telling you that he can't figure out what's happened on this road, so that you'd better just drive on home or take the chance of going to court and having to fight your way out of a charge WHEN THE ASSHOLE HIT YOU!

Now, you can see that this asshole actually must have done this before.  He knows he's fucked.  So he's gonna take you down with him.  He's going to get charged, so by claiming you hit him, he knows you'll get scared shitless (who wants to be wrongly charged with a driving offense and take a chance you can't convince a judge you are innocent) and decide just to drive on home. 

Can't the Pig at least figure out that if asshole wants to "drive on home", he must be guilty?  Personally, if I were hit, I'd be screaming for blood.  Only the guilty feel grateful not to get satisfaction.  Unfortunately, in this case, the innocent victim has to feel grateful to be allowed to just drive on home with a damaged vehicle. 

So lessons be learned here...

One, if you hit someone (and there are no witnesses), call the Pigs and cry victim.  You're guilty, you're fucked, but this way you might get out of it (who am I kidding, you will almost certainly get out of it).

Two, if someone hits you (and there are no witnesses), just take the asshole's license plate number down, let him/her continue on ahead and pull over when that prick has gotten far ahead and thinks he/she has gotten away with it.  THEN, AND ONLY THEN, you may call a Piggy.  The only advantage you'll have at that point is that the asshole has "left the scene of the accident", and that implies guilt.  Only the guilty run and even if that doesn't help with the lazy, useless, doughnut eating Pigs, it might at least help when you get to court. 

Watch out on the roads, and don't hold too much faith in the Ontario Provincial Pigs.  You have to take care of yourself.  The Pigs sure won't help you.

2006-11-21 21:33:34

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